I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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