I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
no more duck duck goose at the bar
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
