Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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