Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
