hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's Friday. Sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
