so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
