OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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