I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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