Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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