I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line