We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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