hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
