I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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