im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
