I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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