my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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