oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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