about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
