I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
