i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
