During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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