So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
