I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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