when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
