shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
