Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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