just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
