dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
