My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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