his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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