trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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