I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Success! We fucked roommates!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
