I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
