I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm really busy with my period
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