We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
