Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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