my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
