actually, I'm a sock model
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
