the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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