I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
