i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
