Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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