What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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