You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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