Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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