Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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