if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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