Four minutes until I can fart!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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