I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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