she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
