I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
