im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
