Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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