I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
