No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
