My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
