if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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