I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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