Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A+ Viking dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
