OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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